Lost

I am lost this afternoon. Lost in the throes of "picking my battles" with my eldest son, who is 9 1/2 years old. For some reason this child thinks it is okay to disrespect me: not some, but all of the time. He is oppositional and defiant, frequently lies, curses at me (or usually spells out the curse words to me rather), and at times even becomes extremely violent with me during our whirlwind relationship.

He also refuses to use the bathroom ~ and no matter how we approach this incredibly embarrassing issue (positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, nonchalance, "star charts", and flat out bribery with money or candy!) And it is very costly; especially because our youngest is still not potty-trained, but having special needs, this is not uncommon. All of this is extremely embarrassing, truly it is.

Feeling like the worst mother in the world when he chooses to partake in this behavior, I must admit that my son and I are, for the most part, oil and water. This makes me incredibly sad.

Soon he will start seeing a Psychologist, and he's already receiving care from Children's Hospital's Dept. of Behavioral & Developmental Pediatrics. Hopefully the therapist will be helpful in figuring out what makes him so angry and act out.

I know that Heavenly Father doesn't give us more than we can handle. But He sure must have a lot of confidence in me.