Ward Memorial Day Picnic

Our Ward had an absolute wonderful Memorial Day picnic today; it was sunny and warm and the perfect day for a picnic. We had a small-ish parade, a not-to-long speech on the relevance of the day, plenty of food, and then activities: sack races (which I've never done in my entire 34 years!)

• the human knot (a lot harder than it sounds and a great icebreaker)
• an egg toss (which ended very messily for the team that won ~ poor Sister Ehlers!)

My two older kids refused to participate in the sack races, and although I hadn't planned on it, when they called for all the "little children" up to participate, I asked if I could help Nicky with his jumping and everyone said, "OF COURSE!" We still came in last, but we did it our way.

On the way back, my back was killing me so bad, I just picked Nicky up, sack and all, and carried him back to the finish line. All the while he was giggling and squealing so I know he loved it!

All in all, we had a great time and it was a good way to spend our 15-year wedding anniversary.

Here Comes the Rain Again

Disclaimer: this blog starts out with some background info, but my opinion is that it becomes rather profound as you read. Hope you enjoy! ;-P

Well, the weather outside is frightful! I never really thought much about thunderstorms; living in Cincinnati they are not uncommon, especially in spring. The only thing that bothers me about them is I'm gripped with paralyzing fear if I'm trying to drive in rain (even if it's not storming). But that's another blog entirely...

All day today, it has been raining off and on. Around 5 pm, the sky opened up and rain poured and the thunderstorms started. Despite the storms, Jesse took the kids to the school carnival (what a great guy!) to give me some peace and quiet...

But an hour or so into my kid~free quiet time, an ear~splitting crash of thunder and a simultaneous huge bolt of electricity struck right outside my window. Even though I wan't sleeping, this really woke me up to some things that I have obviously been ignoring for quite awhile. I have been so ignorant of the tragic natural disasters that have recently happened in the world; I simply avoid watching the news, reading newspapers, and even stories on the internet. Too depressing.

The incidence of thunder and lightning stemming from this incredibly intense storm made my heart skip ever so briefly, and I thought, if only for a moment, "What happens if that lightning just struck a tree and it falls on the building?" Within five minutes or so, I concluded that this fear was an irrational one, because a) the trees aren't tall enough to reach the apartment, even if one was to fall, and b) we are on the second floor of a 3~story apartment complex. At one point during my five minutes of worry and woe, I flashed to the panic, turmoil, sorrow, and pain that people must experience during hurricanes, tsunamis, and earthquakes. I am prone to panic attacks. Didn't have one. Thank you, Holy Ghost.

I am so grateful to Heavenly Father that this Cincinnati dweller and her family will more than likely ever have to experience such natural disasters as these.

If you know me at all, you know I absolutely love New Orleans (NOLA)...and Hurricane Katrina ravaged the majority of my beautiful and most favorite city on 8/29/05. Then along came Hurricane Rita (9/25/05) which flooded NOLA once again before she even hit land. Rita destroyed all the tiny seedling of progress that had been made in the rebuilding efforts, which had only just started. My heart still breaks for "All These People" (a Harry Connick, Jr. song written about the condition of NOLA, his hometown, immediately following Katrina).

Since the NOLA tragedy, I honestly cannot remember any specific natural disasters ~ even though Katrina was almost five years ago. I didn't listen to the news or read any newspapers because it depressed me; therefore I didn't pay attention and therefore I did nothing to help. Ever. I helped in NOLA and still do when I can. I think about NOLA and Hurricane Katrina everyday. I know, it's not normal.

This made me realize that I am being with my charity. I have a vested interest in rebuilding NOLA and seeing it "live again" because I have friends there and, as I mentioned earlier, I am crazy in love with the city. I need to develop a bigger heart to and a thicker skin so I can do as much as possible wherever disaster strikes.

Right now, I cannot contribute monetarily or physically to any of the places hit by natural disasters, simply because I'm broke and can't afford to travel. I want to help, though. So what can I do?

I can:

• Pray for people affected by such tragedies & remember those who've died
• Thank Heavenly Father for putting my problems into perspective
• Tithe; I know the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS allocates funds to help in crises worldwide
• Keep my family strong and steadfast, teaching them compassion for others
• Serve others to the best of my abilities and talents whenever possible

Finally (and I will not *pretend* to have any expertise on this subject), from what I understand, it has been predicted both in the Bible(?) and by Prophets that in the latter days, the earth would suffer many natural disasters and mortal humans would be at war for many years. To me, this means that: a) I need to study the Scriptures more thoroughly and talk to someone who knows a bit more about this; and b) we are in the latter-days of human mortals inhabiting the earth. Again, this is my theory; I am not certain if it is Gospel.

This storm opened my eyes to the fact that we truly are in the latter days; this is all the more reason to follow the Scriptures and live the Gospel. In addition, I need to keep my finger on the pulse of the needs of others. One positive thing I can say about myself is that I am pretty sensitive and empathetic of how someone else is feeling and I'm a good listener.

While I love seeing my friends and other Ward Members from Church, I do have to be alone or only with the kids, who aren't the best conversationalists. So sometimes I just have to rely on the Holy Ghost for comfort; and it makes me want to pray more. Tonight I was alone and, even though it was just for a few minutes, scared silly. I know the Holy Ghost was with me, because I was able to stay calm. I need to pray more, because you can never pray too much, right?

And I need to thank Heavenly Father for sending me a constant companion to, literally, weather the storm with me.

Lucky Girl

I am so disgusted with myself a lot of the time. No matter what I do, it's not enough compared to what I used to do on a daily basis. Hard to believe that I could care for my own three children (as babies / toddlers) and 2 additional 3 year olds, clip coupons, comparison shop, stockpile, pay the bills, straighten up the house several times per day, do laundry, and have a relatively successful mini-side business selling on eBay.

The changes I've made since I was that person have been severe. Some of them have been for the better (for instance, I'm physically healthier since cutting my weight in half and have found the one true Church which has been such a blessing in my life). A lot of the changes that have been made in my life were not my choices but all stemmed from my own stupid mistakes. So even though I didn't make these decisions, my actions have caused a lot of the problems in my family's life.

I am a lucky girl, however, because I have a very caring and forgiving husband. He works hard to support this family and is understanding of my condition most of the time. Even when he gets frustrated and yells and hollers about this or that not being done, he technically has every right. Why I can't get things done I can't figure out.

Up until right before Jesse started back to working after being unemployed for 16 months, I was a Managing Cosmetology student. I'm not sure why, but toward the time Jesse got his job, I wasn't heartbroken that I'd have to leave school for good. Now I miss it. I miss the camaraderie, I miss the sense of purpose. I don't miss all the drama, cursing, rumors, drug deals, and other evils that occurred there.

Maybe I am lonely. It is a feeling I get a lot, even when I'm on the phone with someone, and especially when I am with my kids.

Maybe I'm exhausted. I can't seem to sleep enough and I'm always tired and 'sick' in some form or fashion.

But I'm a lucky girl still...because I personally know of stronger, better women than I whom have gone through worse challenges and have faced horrible tragedies but stood firm and continued to do what needed to be done, instead of shutting down.

This lucky girl needs to learn to function again. Admitting I want to be steadfast in this goal is a good first step, I think.

Keeping My Head Above Water

All week long, I feel like I've been treading water in a really chilly ocean. Like a buoy, I bob up and down, taking a quick breath when ever I can, and plugging my nose when I can't. Without going into exact detail, let's just say I've been pushed under water financially quite a lot this week. And there are other frustrations nagging at me as well.

Now, mind you, I've not given up, not by any means; this week just seems extraordinarily difficult. Since converting to the LDS, I know that the Holy Ghost is my constant companion. Having Jesus in my life gives me a sense of comfort and is my anchor. Our Heavenly Father is my lighthouse, my beacon of light, if you will. Having said this, I must remember it when a trial presents itself and I feel my head slipping below the surface of the water again.

The Lord fortifies me with every breath I take. I put my trust in His hands. And although I may be treading water in that chilly ocean, there have been no storms to speak of.